Yes to every day, every moment with my babies. Yes to every late night, early morning, every argument, every birthday candle, each hectic moment, all the happiest days & even a quiet yes to those that sting. Yes to the very idea that I get to spend those moments with the two Littles that God not only gave me, but let me keep.
Even though we don't really bring him up a lot, our Angel Baby has been on my precious Parker's mind lately. While driving in the car one day I overheard her sweet voice tell her brother, "God took our other baby to heaven. He went to celebrate Jesus' birthday. Mommy really has three kids. You, me and Hayes Andrew. " I had to rearrange the rearview mirror so she couldn't see my eyes when she looked up at me. She has the purest of hearts. She thinks deeper than most adults I know and while my knee jerk reaction is to shelter her from all the painful things, with a mind and heart like hers, it just won't work. She needs to think and talk and feel. I think she waits to see how the adults she loves and trusts handles the hard things.
My girl is the one who got me through the worst loss I've ever felt. She gave me hope and a reason to keep smiling, keep breathing and keep showing her how to live. The baby boy who has blessed our lives since losing Hayes Andrew is nothing short of an answered prayer. Parker and I say God gave him to us because He knew we had love saved up in our hearts that we needed to share. There have been few days in our sweet MAC boy's life where I haven't looked into those eyes that are so similar to his sister's and remind him that he is my Blessing. He is our miracle and he has healed so many cracks in my little family's hearts. He completes us.
Our Angel Baby's 2nd heavenly birthday feels different than the first. At this time last year we were still trying to recover but this year is a different shade of remembering. This year our birthday celebration, our day to remember our 2nd born comes at the end of a year filled not with sadness, but with joy. We've done a lot of growing this year. A lot of healing.
This morning instead of letting my head (and my heart) relive the worst morning, I'm going to focus on joy.
Joy of listening to my McCoy boy "ooh" and "coo" on the pillow next to me.
The sweet joy of hearing the patter of Parker baby's feet as she whispers around looking for her elf's new morning hiding place.
The joy of a friend who walks the hallway to deliver a hug, a sweet handwritten note and the most beautiful wooden angel wings.
And the understanding of a coworker who simply whispers, "whatever you need" when asked if she can cover my kids for a few minutes today so I can get a start on my drive to Tahlequah.
And the thousands of other reasons I have each day to smile, hug the people God has let me keep and tuck the ones in heaven deeper in my heart.
Last year's sprinkles of joy have multiplied.
