Poop

Five weeks old. Three weeks left before I return to work. While I'm missing life outside our home, I'm dreading the first few 100 hour days when I leave my little bundle. I KNOW a school day doesn't last 100 hours, but I have no doubt it will feel at least that long. We haven't been apart for more than two or three hours since she first arrived. I can't imagine eight or nine hours.

Pray for me. The very thought makes me shake a little.

The two extra weeks off (six weeks I have to take plus the two weeks we've decided to tack on to extend my leave) are costing us a little more than $1200. Luckily I had sick leave to cover my six weeks as well as all three of my personal days to ease the $202.00 per day deduction that's occurring for each day after my six weeks. I'm thankful we planned for the time off. It's worth every penny. If I didn't feel it were absolutely necessary to give the God-send who's covering my classroom a break as well as get back in there and start prepping my kiddos for testing, I might be tempted to extend my leave until Spring Break. But, that's just delaying the inevitable.

Parker will be fine. I know that. She's so incredibly feisty and opinionated I have no fear she'll demand to be well taken care of. No it's not her I'm worried about. It's me. It's like leaving part of my soul in the hands of someone else. A bit dramatic to say...I know...but it's unbelievable how important she is; how protective I am.

Ok...happy thoughts. Parker has learned how to smile. She has about a million different expressions that we've enjoyed since she first arrived and let me tell you, she has just as many smiles. She shows a sweet little shy smile when she's unsure of who's talking to her or what's being said. She has a half smile that I've seen displayed on my own face. And then there's a smile that covers her whole face from her lips to her sweet little forehead. I'm not sure which is my favorite.

She's becoming observant. She stares at her twinkle birds as soon as I turn out the lights in her room. She lays in her crib and just takes in all the little things that were so carefully placed in there. Her sweet little head, while laying on her daddy's chest, leans way back so she can stare at him. It's like she's memorizing his face. It may be one of the sweetest things I've ever witnessed.

I'm not so smitten to try to act as if she's a perfect little sweetheart. Oh no. She can be an ornery little sucker. She yells at me and her daddy when we aren't doing what she thinks we should be. Not crying. YELLing. She can get so upset when I lay her down that I used to think she was hurt. When I'd pick her up, heartbroken over the thought of laying her down on something that scratched or poked her, she'd immediately quiet down and become content. She got what she wanted. Practically from birth she knew exactly how to work her Mama and her Daddy. We're learning though...slowly but surely. 

Life is interesting to say the least. Breastfeeding sucks. It's hard. It's painful...but let me tell you, it takes off the weight & it's a relief to realize among all the things you DO need to leave the house, you have the food part covered. Delivering that beautiful little bundle of trouble is still stinging nearly six weeks later. It's not a good thing when the stitches meant to put you back together for whatever reason don't work. What sucks more than the pain and discomfort, is knowing you have had so much time to get out and put that kick ass jogging stroller to good use, but have been unable to do so because walking and sitting are still frustrating.

I have to end on something that has caused me to laugh repeatedly. POOP. Oh my word the amount of poop that comes with a breast fed newborn is incredible! She has successfully pooped on our kitchen floor, on her Grammy's lap, across her changing pad, and in the bath tub. It's pretty amazing so much yellow goop can come out of such a tiny little person. Yep, she's an expert pooper.

Life has changed. Not in easy simple ways. No...having a little bundle arrive in our home has been anything but easy, but OH. MY. WORD. is the change, frustration, and give and take worth it.