Through the wreckage

I had a carwreck today. While driving to school on a road I never take, at a time I'm never ready (who leaves their house more than an hour before work??) a high school kid decided to go for it and try to make his turn before I reached the intersection.

He didn't make it.

Luckily...thankfully...I wasn't distracted. My phone was in my hand, but I was not texting or talking...I was just driving. Watching. Thinking, "Is he really gonna go?" and then realizing-- he did...and locking up my brakes. Praise God for 40 mile/hr roads, a husband who changed my brakes within the past month and not hitting that car hard enough to cause the airbags to deploy on this 5 month pregnant girl.

I started off this day excited. Today is Tuesday...and tomorrow I get to count this baby girl another week grown. Sounds incredibly silly probably, but reading about how she's changed and grown in just one week makes me feel like I know her a little better and imagine what her sweet little face will look like.

My thoughts have flashed to the "what could've happened" a few times today, but I know thinking that way won't help. What happened is: I was reminded to go the speed limit, pay attention, wear my seatbelt and be thankful. Thankful for this little Bump growing, with all the itchy skin, sleepless nights and uncontrollably achy back. Be thankful my husband will come wherever I am if I need him and he'll figure out how to make it better. Be thankful I have an Uncle who is an OHP and he nearly always answers his phone when I call.

Mostly, I am thankful, I'm/we're totally fine. Baby girl has moved a bit today and I plan to spend my evening with my hands on this tummy taking in her every kick. I plan to wake up early and read about her and try to cherish all her kicks and wiggles.

My car on the other hand...has some bumps, cracks and bruises but will be fixed...

But the unfixable, irreplaceable...are ok. And that's really all that matters.

Happy moments:
While it feels like a train wreck right now...I have some of the sweetest craziest students I think I've ever had. 16 boys and 10 girls feels like a circus sometimes...but soon enough they'll be MY circus and I will wonder what I ever did without them.

After a bit of a rough start, Baby Clay came home today!! After visiting the NICU to see him and his parents yesterday and actually witnessing the nurse take off his oxygen...he was strong enough and big enough to handle the two big sisters he had waiting on him at home. I know the Taylors are saying their own prayers of "thanks" tonight.

I ran across this a few days ago and it seems like kind of a fitting to end this post...

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "Thank you?" ~William A. Ward

After today, I'm gonna try to use my seconds better tomorrow.

New Month, New Baby, New School Year

This is a brand new month (in preggo world)...our baby girl is 20 weeks grown...we are HALF way THERE!! For anyone we've missed lately, this baby cantaloupe (that's her size at 20 weeks and I'm just not sure the term "bump" is sufficient any longer) is growing!! :)

The crib came in today and I've been working on all the craft projects for the nursery. One of the big ones is finishing up these birdies. They'll be strung on twine across the ceiling in the corner of her bedroom. They are only half finished but I couldn't wait to share.

It's been an exciting/exhausting week. My cousin had her baby and while I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him in person yet, if he's anything like her other two kiddos, he's precious. The idea that he will grow up with my little girl is amazing to me. My sister and I grew up with my three cousins. The five of us were inseperable. My hope is Maverick (who will be about a year and a half old when she's born), Clay (who will be 4 months older) and baby girl will be the best of buds. I'm not sure who will be ornerier...those two boys or this (probably red headed) little girl. Lord knows when they get together, they'll be a mess.

With all the baby fuss, even back in July I couldn't forget Mikey's birthday was on the way. Sure hope he loves what I got him...

We start school tomorrow. I met all my little 3rd grade darlins last night. Let me tell you, I have some precious families in my room. I have a feeling with all that's going on, this is going to be a very special group. A friend on facebook posted this prayer earlier in the week...and tonight...about 12 hours before the 27 of us come together to start meshing as a family...this prayer is on my heart.

Tomorrow starts a brand new chapter for a whole lot of kids. I can't help but think about them a little differently. They are somebody's baby...and it's gotta be hard, no matter the age, to trust that a perfect stranger will treat your baby in a kind, considerate way.

Maybe that should be the way I treat these kids, the way I would want someone to treat Miss Parker someday.

Ok...gotta get some rest. Growing a baby and teaching school is gonna be a whole new ballgame for me. :)

Rainbows!

Sometimes...rainbows just appear. Like tonight after the much needed rain came through...there was this beautiful, ginormous rainbow in the sky. It was insane. Pretty sure it caused a few wrecks from people trying to get a good view. I can't really blame them. It was so unbelievable I had to tell this baby girl about it (every dang book says you are supposed to talk to her...makes me feel like a weirdo...but that's probably the first step to motherhood. Well...that, throwing up, and crying.) It was worth it though cause soon after our "talk" she starting KICKING. 

That's our new thing...starting yesterday morning...the day I began saying proudly, "I'm 19 weeks pregnant" she started kicking. I can't lie, when she does it, my whole world stops & I just have to feel her. It's incredible (& kind of like a little alien poking me in the belly), but mostly incredible because it's HER. She's now made her presence known on the outside. She's becoming so very real. There are moments where I'm not sure I can wait another second to see her, & then there are others where I'm scared shitless & I pray she stays in there til I figure some things out. All the time though, I'm thankful for her & and I'm trying to become the person I want to be for her. I want to be better for her. 

Even with all the rainbows...I'm a little low. I really really want to build a life that she deserves. I want it to be filled with trust and hope and sunshine and of course rainbows. And a little magic. And a whole lot of love. But if there were some sort of meter to show where I started, where I am now & how far I have to go...I think the distance to the end would be a bit overwhelming. 

With all the space she takes up now, there are still a few holes in my life. I'm believing God will send just the right people to fill the voids in a way I can't even imagine. He's done it before...& I choose to believe he'll do it again. For the people out there who have opened the door & have given me a chance lately, whether I've said it or not, I'm truly appreciative. If our paths havent crossed yet I'll tell ya, there are a lot of sunshiney, rainbowy moments around here these days (one of them is kicking the ipad right now lol), I'd love to share them with you. :)

A new shotgun & dirt bike

We're having a GIRL!

It was the most amazing moment...not when the lady read the sonogram, but when I looked at Mike's face after hearing those words and saw nothing but a brilliant display of excitement.

That guy...is gonna be a good daddy to this little girl.

He talks to her. Asks how she is doing. Comes running at the first hint that he might could feel her kick. He's getting advice from Dads he admires on discipline. Every single day I get a glimpse of the Dad he's becoming...& it's pretty incredible.

He has also talked with his buddies about getting a shotgun for the first time she brings a boy home as well as discussed what type of pink dirt bike she'll have.

Oh...she's already loved. Let me tell you.

Thanks to a few key people & the loss of a very dear friend, I foresee some changes happening in our world as we prepare to be the kind of parents who raise a kid we can be proud of. We wouldn't mind if she was a little proud of us in return. :-)

In the meantime...we're just admiring the new photos of her face on our fridge, decoupaging & painting everything in sight, eating lots of ice cream & buying her everything ruffled or "cool" we can get our hands on.

Changed for Good

Sometimes someone comes into our lives and turns it upside down. There's no rhyme or reason why they are in our realm of influence, or why they take an interest in us; but for whatever reason, they do. As our lives plummet from the direction in which they were headed and organize themselves in the completely new location this mysterious person has shaken them into, the whole cosmic occurance starts to make sense.
My life has been turned upside down a few times in 30 years. Sometimes for good, others not so good. But at the age of 18 I met someone who snatched me out of confusion and planted my feet in love and security. She was a force of nature. I swear sometimes I thought she had the whole dang world spinning like a basketball on her finger; and let me tell you, that was some finger she had. She had so many people wrapped around it I was surprised at times such a tiny limb could support the responsibility. But when someone loves you as wholeheartedly as Sheila did, you kind of wanted to be wrapped up close to her.
I know for a fact her life forever altered the fate of two teenagers. One of those, was me. After high school I couldn't have been more confused about who I was, who I wanted to be or where my life was headed. There were a lot of directions it could've taken, but a season came where my life crossed with Sheila's and my path couldn't have been more obvious. During my time with her, I learned what it meant to give selflessly. To love wholeheartedly just because. I realized that there is ALWAYS enough time for others.
After a couple of years, my walk became sturdy enough to go out on my own again; start college and eventually get a teaching job about an hour from home. Even though I grew, I never outgrew Sheila. When I would see her, usually at camp or church...she still has the same "you hung the moon" look in her eye when she talked to me. I couldn't help but feel loved and important when I was in her presence. My life mattered to her...I don't think I ever questioned that. When I met Mike, even though I had moved away 5 years before, I went home to tell her about him. I still needed her to be a part of my life. We spent hours that night talking at my car, reliving old stories and just reaffirming how strong our bond was. That was the last big "Manda and Sheila talk" we ever had.

Sheila was selfless. She was beautiful. She raised 5 (including Brittany) kids and loved each one wholeheartedly. She was her husband's rock. She was the person her friends and family could turn to whether in happiness or heartbreak. A year ago Sheila found out she had cancer...and a little more than 24 hours ago, she was promoted from organizing and rocking Earth, to singing in the choir and organizing Angels in heaven.
It's been a while since I've spent time with Sheila. But I have spent the past day reliving moments, hearing her voice, rereading her texts and finally realizing just how big of an impact she made on this world...and on me.
My heart goes out to her family...to her children...to her friends...and to Dwayne, who I think loved her most of all.
These lyrics, from a musical (Wicked) have been playing in my head for the past 24 hrs. What makes them even more special is I found out today she loved this production about as much as I did.

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you:

 

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

 

It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you:

I have been changed for good.

 

Without a doubt I have been changed for good.