Rainbows!

Sometimes...rainbows just appear. Like tonight after the much needed rain came through...there was this beautiful, ginormous rainbow in the sky. It was insane. Pretty sure it caused a few wrecks from people trying to get a good view. I can't really blame them. It was so unbelievable I had to tell this baby girl about it (every dang book says you are supposed to talk to her...makes me feel like a weirdo...but that's probably the first step to motherhood. Well...that, throwing up, and crying.) It was worth it though cause soon after our "talk" she starting KICKING. 

That's our new thing...starting yesterday morning...the day I began saying proudly, "I'm 19 weeks pregnant" she started kicking. I can't lie, when she does it, my whole world stops & I just have to feel her. It's incredible (& kind of like a little alien poking me in the belly), but mostly incredible because it's HER. She's now made her presence known on the outside. She's becoming so very real. There are moments where I'm not sure I can wait another second to see her, & then there are others where I'm scared shitless & I pray she stays in there til I figure some things out. All the time though, I'm thankful for her & and I'm trying to become the person I want to be for her. I want to be better for her. 

Even with all the rainbows...I'm a little low. I really really want to build a life that she deserves. I want it to be filled with trust and hope and sunshine and of course rainbows. And a little magic. And a whole lot of love. But if there were some sort of meter to show where I started, where I am now & how far I have to go...I think the distance to the end would be a bit overwhelming. 

With all the space she takes up now, there are still a few holes in my life. I'm believing God will send just the right people to fill the voids in a way I can't even imagine. He's done it before...& I choose to believe he'll do it again. For the people out there who have opened the door & have given me a chance lately, whether I've said it or not, I'm truly appreciative. If our paths havent crossed yet I'll tell ya, there are a lot of sunshiney, rainbowy moments around here these days (one of them is kicking the ipad right now lol), I'd love to share them with you. :)