Energy!

The blessed 2nd trimester has arrived!!! Halle-freaking-lujah!!! With it comes less sporatic gagging, rays of energy and an ever-present, ever growing BUMP! So far, I'm enjoying the wiggle room between the first trimester icky-ness and the third trimester unknown.

With the bump comes tons of backaches and a whole lot less sleep...but ya win some you lose some and right now i'm just thankful to be able to get off the couch!

Blooming


Tiny (and not so tiny) spiders were in abundance as we tilled up the ground! Bluh!!

 Other things are blooming around our happy home than just my belly. With my energy (and Mikey's stamina) came our flower bed!! The face lift our front yard received Sunday morning is fantastic. The poor flowers are just barely makin' it in this blasted Oklahoma heat...but we're giving them a drink twice a day to help them out. I can't wait for next Spring when the three of us sit out front (picture Adirondack chairs where the random gathering of things are) together and watch our flower bed welcome the (not so scorching) Spring sunshine.

Tales

I've been "Old Wive's Tales"-ing it up the past few days and as much as I'm dreaming of a foofy little girl, I have a feeling we're getting a rough and tough beautiful baby boy. There's a plethora of hints and hopes of how to determine what the little Bump will be crawling on the internet and sittin' around the table in the kitchens of grandma's everywhere...but in the words of my Mama, "When you see it, you'll know." I've got 27 weeks and 5 days til that much anticipated meeting. Maybe the excitement will seep into my mid-section and he'll arrive in 25 or 26 weeks because he's just as excited to meet us as we are him...

Visits Passed

Our Massachusetts family is heading home tomorrow. Usually it's super hard to say good-bye because we know it'll be months before we see them again. While I'd personally rather keep them around for every day walks, nursery crafts, family dinners and trips to Hobby Lobby; home and real life are calling them. Thankfully we are all headed to Cape Cod to spend a week at the beach with them in less than a month. I'm praying my energy is in abundance that week to lay on the beach, tan the Bump and soak up our first ever Curtsinger Family Vaca!

Maniac in the Making

There's a reason God doesn't drop a one year old into a person's life (very often). While I love and adore him, Mr. Maverick wore me smooth out Wednesday night. I'm not sure whether it was playing with the grandparents, digging bugs out of his mouth that he tried to eat off my Mom's floor, scaring and being scared of the dogs, or swimming in the pool that did it...but I definitely got a preview of things to come. Dear Lord give me patience and energy. Lots and lots of energy. Thank you God for starting us out with something much smaller and immobile.

Now I've got to get out of here...
Family time is calling. Gotta soak up my friend (who just so happens to be Mike's aunt) enough to survive on Facetime for a few weeks! (How else can she watch the Bump grow??)

Bah-dum, bah-dum, bah-dum

I've had a tough week...even though I have tried not to say too much about it. I am so incredibly thankful I'm pregnant. I wouldn't change that for all the chips and salsa dinners in the world, but it's hard nonetheless. I told Mikey once; since the day I found out I am pregnant, my whole world changed. Eating, sleeping, drinking, running...all done in a different way. While change is hard for me, it's not that big of a deal until I feel it imposes on someone else. So many times this week I've had to say, "I don't think I can eat that." Or, "I've gotta leave the smell is getting to me." I've even been less interactive from sheer exhaustion and lack of energy. None of which, I can really do anything about. I feel zero frustration toward other people, but it's made it hard to want to be around because I constantly feel like a hindrance.

But today...today was different.

I had a rough night. Anyone who's ever been pregnant understands the moment when the bed just isn't comfortable anymore. Well, it's been building but last night was that night for me. If Mike hadn't been dead to the world, I probably would've screamed in frustration and tore apart the bed. My back was KILLING me. Instead of throwing a tantrum, I just went to the couch. It had served me well during my nap earlier in the day and I was hoping...no PRAYING...it would be as gracious at midnight. While it wasn't perfection, it wasn't as evil as the bed. So I camped out there on the trusty new couch for the night, vowing to get some kind of sleep and back saving pillow before the next bedtime. I'm happy to say, Mike's at Wal-Mart now searching for one (and picking up Rice Krispies because they are apparently the cereal of the week).

With the sun came brighter moments. A three mile, super freaking early walk with my friend to start the day. Then an oil change (where I was reprimanded by the Jiffy Lube guy for letting my air filter get so dirty...it's OK though, I promptly informed him that's my dad and husband's job...and I would most definitely be letting them know). I then picked up my Mom and we were on the road. We furniture shopped (where I didn't find a chair or table...but I completely fell in love with a high-chair!), visited my grandparents and went to my doctor's appointment. And let me say, as much as I was dreading it (it's an icky one that includes a full blown exam), it turned out to be awesome. My Mom and I heard the baby's heart beat. Now, I don't now if it's because I'm beginning to show or maybe I've just finally come to terms with the idea that I'M going to be a MOM...but hearing that noise made all the frustration, hindrance and anxiety...disappear. Like poof. It was gone and replaced by a "bah-dum, bah-dum, bah-dum" at the rhythm of 160 bpm.

>>>I have a video but I can't figure it out yet...when or if i do, it will be placed HERE>>>>>>>

I wasn't really paying attention to WHAT I was recording visually (sorry Mom) as much as what I was hoping to get auditorally. Regardless...carrying around the sound of my baby's heartbeat is pretty freaking insane. It's like happy. It's like sunshine. It's a constant reminder that my whole world is changing in bigger ways than I can probably ever guess. But I can sure hope. Maybe that's what the heartbeat is like. Hope. Hope and happy and sunshine. Hell YES. Who wouldn't want to carry THAT around in their pocket???

I'm so very thankful for this life. Leaving the hospital and driving straight to Mom's to sit by her pool and talk about it was the perfect place to be. I played the video so many times the dogs stopped looking. I played it for Mike the minute he walked through the door. I hope I play it until I hear it in my sleep (lol...hopefully I get some sleep on the glorious pillow Mike carried through the door).

Praise GOD for video recording and iphones.

And a beautifully reflective drive home.  

Sunshine, Clouds and Rainbows

I feel like I need to almost write two separate posts tonight. The dynamic of my family is so very different today from one side to the other, it feels almost impossible to include both in the same post.

While it's my habit to choose to hear bad news before good...or negative before positive...so as to end on a happy note, I'm going to have to start with the sunshine and end with the clouds tonight, because that's just how my heart feels.



Ginger and Joey playing at dinnertime

I had a baby moment today. Miss Joey is everything a little girl should be. Outrageously dressed in bright pinks and yellows, attached to her Mama beyond what any female family member is happy with (because it cuts down on their time to love up on her), and e-mo-tion-al! She has perfected the art of smiling and then shifting to a full blown lip pout in half a minute at the age of 4 months. Her Mommy and Daddy better watch OUT! I had the glory of stealing her away for about 30 minutes. I'm proud to say she didn't whisper she wanted her Mama once. All it took was sitting outside...positioned just right for her to happily gaze at the fish pond while a baby crazed stranger soaked her up and hummed songs from church camps past in her ear. I'd be lying to say I wasn't a tad disappointed when it was time to reenter the real world and place her back in the rightful arms of her proud Mama. Miss Joey and her Mama, Abby were a happy place for all of us today.

 This morning I had the pleasure of meeting my very best friend's life-long best friend. While I have to say I was a bit apprehensive (and even more NERVOUS), she is/was everything she's made out to be. It's incredible to see a friendship circle in completion. A friendship circle from my very educated and knowledgeable perspective (insert eye roll here) would mean understanding how and why we all fit in each others lives...even if we're only connected by one person. In the four(ish) mile walk/jog, I felt like I got to piece together a part of my best friend's life that up until this point, had only been talked about. And...it's a pretty cool part. One that I hope I get to meet again someday.

This week every day has been filled with basketball, food, playing, conversations, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents and great-grandparents. It's incredible to live life every day, even if only for a while, with family so tightly knitted together. Makes me think it must've felt something like this a while back when families grew up with everyone working and sharing land; where all their kids grew up being raised by whoever was closest and everyone gathered at the grandparents for Sunday dinner after church. Ahhh...the "good ol days."(My grandpa rolls his eyes when I say things like that. According to him, there really wasn't THAT much THAT "good" about the good ol' days.)



Grandpa Henry



Now...after such a great, sunshiney baby filled day...I came home to a few storm clouds. I found out my grandpa, the man who helped to raise me...who still reminisces about me running through his house in my baby walker, has an aneurysm. He met with a specialist today who said it is double the size in which they would normally do surgery. An aneurysm is the very thing that killed my grandma's mother as well as her sister...I can only imagine how she feels to find out the love of her life, the man she grew up and grew old with, now has the exact same thing.

My grandpa is the single most independent, hard working man I've ever known. He started with nothing and has built a life that has not only supported his family but has allowed them to grow and thrive. I'm incredibly proud of where and who I come from. My grandpa is one tough cookie and I know he'll come through this in a way that will amaze us all. For every ounce of tough that's in him, my grandma's strength is "pressed down, shaken together, and running over" but I know she could sure use our thoughtful prayers and support.

Please lift up our family. My goal in all this is faith, positivity and never ending understanding for both of the people who are responsible for creating the family my little bug will be born in to.

“Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.” Rabindranath Tagore

Fiesta at our Casa

 

Let me just start by saying, we had the pleasure of hosting dinner tonight. At times, thirteen people in our home was a bit overwhelming, yet in the exact same breath, it was satisfying. Amongst the back porch accidents (the step up is hard for little boys), the invasion of flies, and the Oklahoma wind that kept the temperature down but also caused me to get a bit creative with the tablecloths, were conversations that spanned four generations. From preggo talk to dessert plate shopping on the ipad, silence was scarce. After spending the day in the kitchen preparing our feast, I was happy to sit and listen and just soak up the energy around me. 

Tonight was enchilada night. Anyone who knows me knows Mexican food is typically my achilles heel. I luhhhvvve it. Will eat it til I'm miserable. Lucky for me, Oklahoma is THE place to be if a person loves mexican food. We've got everything from huge chains, to small "Mom and Pop" restaurants scattered like little beacons of goodness all over the city. Chips and salsa are always on the grocery list in our home...until about a month ago. Mini Curtsinger decided not to appreciate salsa as much as her mother.  I dare say he may hate it. At least right now. The pain in my belly is not worth the hour I spend eating it. So...while I prepared quite the meal tonight, I had to choose my own nourishment carefully. Thank goodness not everyone had to be so limited.



Filling up before heading outside




I was lucky enough to draw the seat next to Mike's great grandma. She is just about the most precious person I've met. If I can choose, I'll sit near her at every family event. Listening to her talk and being in on the comments she makes under her breath keeps a smile plastered across my face. She is truly one of a kind.

I was a bit worried the boys would get bored while they were here---and while I can't compete with swimming at Mimi's house...they did find ways to keep busy. Landon became the official "fly swatter." Kid must've killed three dozen flies.(Ging-you can legitimately tell his teacher he worked on hand/eye coordination tonight!) Cars zoomed across our living room floor and Summer Shandy bottles were dug out of the trash by a 4 year old insistent on recycling. Oh, and how could I forget? For the first time, our backyard was over-run with barefoot, little boys, Mimis and a game of frisbee. Summertime at its best.

And there was dessert. Good grief the dessert. That bowl of banana pudding alone could've fed us. Bless my mother-in-law's heart for hauling that dish over here. Bless her a few more times for leaving that bowl in my fridge.

And now...my sweet tooth calls...

Til tomorrow...when plans for a walk with my friend, swimming with the boys and a Thunder party late in the evening leave me believing I'll have plenty to write about.

Father's Day, Family and Freckles

Because of the growing baby in my stomach...and the ultrasound on the fridge...and the overwhelming "who am I and what have I become!?" feeling I have had since even before I found out I was pregnant, I got to tell Mikey, "Happy Father's Day" this morning before even getting out of bed. I wasn't feeling overwhelmingly chipper and he was off to Wal-Mart to get medicine to calm my stomach and ease my back pain. Going to Wal-Mart before 8am seems like a very "dad" thing to do. Maybe that's why I felt the need for the wishes this morning. Lord only knows. What I do know is; my husband is going to make a very good, kind Dad in about 29 weeks. It's an incredible experience to watch him grow and change.

We had the pleasure of visiting with so many family members today. Of course, with that comes fantastically fun times...and other times that just aren't so phenomenal. Regardless though, the time was spent...some sort of memory made and life is as it should be. Or so we think. Families are interesting, living breathing beings. They grow and change. They get injured and heal. They have seasons of great growth and desperate struggle. And sometimes they just fight. But at the end of the day, no matter the tragedies or triumphs, they are still a family. We are fortunate our family is here from Massachusetts. They are an absolutely precious, lively family. I fell in love with and all but claimed them as my own (they are biologically Mike's family) from the day I met them. If ever I could choose characteristics for this little bug growing in my belly they would come from Landon and Logan. They are beautifully freckled, inquisitive, Mama loving, kind-hearted boys who I adore probably more than I should. It takes just about all I have not to kiss the scattered freckles on their noses. It's even harder now, because I'm SO used to picking them up, carrying them around and just loving up on them as much as they'll let me but I can't do it now because it's just not a good idea with the baby. But lap sitting and hugging are still abundant and I'm soaking them up as best I can. It's kind of terrifying when I stop and think...if I can be so head over heels in love with two little boys who are in all actuality no relation to me (but whom i will forever claim), how much more will I love my own child? 

 The heart is wild. No matter how hard I try I can not control it. A few years ago I thought I had done a great job of locking up my heart so as not to allow it to be hurt or scarred in any way. But the chance meeting between my husband and I (chance because I was no in way looking to meet anyone at the dirty ol' bar that night) and his relentless patience and understanding slowly begin to loosen the lock. Then stepped in his aunt (and my now best friend) to talk me through learning to trust, understand and believe in the both of them, and I began to change. I had swore I would never trust or need anyone again. But his actions and her overwhelming desire to hold my hand as I took a leap of faith resulted in where I am today.  

****The moral of all this rambling is...having a family with which to laugh, cry, fight, and grow is one of those "my cup runneth over" kind of blessings. They aren't always easy...and definitely not always fun...but heck, what in life IS constantly fun and easy? Nothing. And nothing is more rewarding than family. There are so many things I want to teach this little guy/gal growing in my stomach (which is getting bigger by the day I swear).

1. Blood is thicker than water. And once someone is family, they are blood and there's no turnin' them back to water either. You're with them for life.

2. Life hurts...but just keep moving and the pain won't last too long. It only gets ya if you stand still and squint at it for longer than you should.

3. Sometimes when people say you can trust them they mean it. For the long haul. Like, forever. And other times...they just don't. That's no fault of yours and it doesn't mean you sull up and stop believing in people. It means it's a problem they're dealing with and you should just skip right on by.

And last because when I look in the mirror or at my Mother or my sister I know my child will inevitably have them...

4. Freckles really are precious. It gives your Mama a place to plant her kisses and count her blessings.

I really really look forward to kissing those freckles.

Thursday Night Fun

I'm hosting my first dinner with friends tonight in the new house. Girlfriends & food are two of the best things in life. I always knew I liked food...but it wasn't until recently I realized how much better it tastes when your best friends are sitting at the table with you. The invite text said the house is finished. What that really means is- everything I like & is necessary for living is put in its place...everything else is stashed in the spare bedroom. And the only table is outside! Praise God for citronella! In case you're unaware --- entertaining is FUN!! That's one thing my Mom never taught me: how much fun it is to throw a good gathering. From planning the food, to picking out the music, to setting the table & putting the drinks on ice...it's a blast. My goal is to enjoy this house. Fill it up with people we love & lots of laughter so in January when we bring mini-me home he'll feel a net of memories just waiting to include him. I think hosting a party after living here only two weeks is a great start! Oh...& throwing a party when you're pregnant has its own quirks. You've gotta have beer when you're making homemade pizza...so to keep the party atmosphere I mixed & matched various favorite beers for my girls & then to make myself feel included I bought cream soda in bottles! Cheers!

Life happens when you aren't looking. For me it's usually when I'm frowning or worrying...walking around squinting, trying to make my view be the view I envisioned. Then, something will happen, a cosmicly ordinary event that makes me look up, wide eyed & see my surroundings. These days my wide eyed surroundings are beautiful. I married the only guy on the planet for me on a gorgeous beach in Jamaica surrounded by our near & dear. That event was the perfect "squinting/wide eyed" example. I walked around the week before biting my nails over every little detail & how things should be happening while my friends lived it up on a ship bound for Jamaica. No amount of squinting though could've made that day, that place, those people...the experience any more perfect. By the time my step-dad (Calvin) walked me down the aisle to my teary eyed groom...I was wide eyed to say the least. Life has continued on in the same way. We decided to buy a house. While I squinted & over thought every one of them, Mike just "went to see what's out there." And when he found the house we ended up buying & KNEW it was the right one, luckily I looked up at my husband & let go of all my control freak habits...& just went with it. And it's beautifully perfect. All my squinting comes from living a "half glass empty" kinda life. I've always waited for the worst. Prepared for the negative. Tip-toed over the cracks. Well...I have a reason now more than ever to change all that. To see the beauty. To laugh easily. To be a little more naive. My reason for change stems from not wanting the sweet baby growing in my stomach to live a glass half empty, squinting, kind of life. Whoever he or she is...I want them to live wide eyed. My blog is my accountability to begin the change. I have 7 months to become a Mom who teaches her child to embrace every good thing, great or small and walk past the ugly. To smile and look around at her world wide eyed, and only squint when it gets too bright to take in.