Bah-dum, bah-dum, bah-dum

I've had a tough week...even though I have tried not to say too much about it. I am so incredibly thankful I'm pregnant. I wouldn't change that for all the chips and salsa dinners in the world, but it's hard nonetheless. I told Mikey once; since the day I found out I am pregnant, my whole world changed. Eating, sleeping, drinking, running...all done in a different way. While change is hard for me, it's not that big of a deal until I feel it imposes on someone else. So many times this week I've had to say, "I don't think I can eat that." Or, "I've gotta leave the smell is getting to me." I've even been less interactive from sheer exhaustion and lack of energy. None of which, I can really do anything about. I feel zero frustration toward other people, but it's made it hard to want to be around because I constantly feel like a hindrance.

But today...today was different.

I had a rough night. Anyone who's ever been pregnant understands the moment when the bed just isn't comfortable anymore. Well, it's been building but last night was that night for me. If Mike hadn't been dead to the world, I probably would've screamed in frustration and tore apart the bed. My back was KILLING me. Instead of throwing a tantrum, I just went to the couch. It had served me well during my nap earlier in the day and I was hoping...no PRAYING...it would be as gracious at midnight. While it wasn't perfection, it wasn't as evil as the bed. So I camped out there on the trusty new couch for the night, vowing to get some kind of sleep and back saving pillow before the next bedtime. I'm happy to say, Mike's at Wal-Mart now searching for one (and picking up Rice Krispies because they are apparently the cereal of the week).

With the sun came brighter moments. A three mile, super freaking early walk with my friend to start the day. Then an oil change (where I was reprimanded by the Jiffy Lube guy for letting my air filter get so dirty...it's OK though, I promptly informed him that's my dad and husband's job...and I would most definitely be letting them know). I then picked up my Mom and we were on the road. We furniture shopped (where I didn't find a chair or table...but I completely fell in love with a high-chair!), visited my grandparents and went to my doctor's appointment. And let me say, as much as I was dreading it (it's an icky one that includes a full blown exam), it turned out to be awesome. My Mom and I heard the baby's heart beat. Now, I don't now if it's because I'm beginning to show or maybe I've just finally come to terms with the idea that I'M going to be a MOM...but hearing that noise made all the frustration, hindrance and anxiety...disappear. Like poof. It was gone and replaced by a "bah-dum, bah-dum, bah-dum" at the rhythm of 160 bpm.

>>>I have a video but I can't figure it out yet...when or if i do, it will be placed HERE>>>>>>>

I wasn't really paying attention to WHAT I was recording visually (sorry Mom) as much as what I was hoping to get auditorally. Regardless...carrying around the sound of my baby's heartbeat is pretty freaking insane. It's like happy. It's like sunshine. It's a constant reminder that my whole world is changing in bigger ways than I can probably ever guess. But I can sure hope. Maybe that's what the heartbeat is like. Hope. Hope and happy and sunshine. Hell YES. Who wouldn't want to carry THAT around in their pocket???

I'm so very thankful for this life. Leaving the hospital and driving straight to Mom's to sit by her pool and talk about it was the perfect place to be. I played the video so many times the dogs stopped looking. I played it for Mike the minute he walked through the door. I hope I play it until I hear it in my sleep (lol...hopefully I get some sleep on the glorious pillow Mike carried through the door).

Praise GOD for video recording and iphones.

And a beautifully reflective drive home.